One of the most profound tools that I have found for navigating difficult emotions, is a practice called RAIN. RAIN is an acronym that stands for Recognize, Allow (or accept), Investigate, and Not identify (or Nurture). Let’s go through the steps together.
Recognize: In this step, we simply stop and recognize what is actually happening, what is arising in the moment. It is as if we hit the pause button here. We take a break (a breath) and recognize the situation (or emotion) for what it is.
Allow (or accept): Here, we let the emotion be there. So often, when something difficult or painful arises, our instinct is to push it away, to get rid of it. This instinct is understandable but expanding our ability to be with what is uncomfortable, is invaluable. This “allowing” does not mean that we have to like what we are feeling or experiencing. It is just a recognition of what is actually present, and a willingness to be with it as it is.
Investigate: When we investigate, it is not in the mind as most investigations are. We avoid the story the mind will certainly try to tell us about what we are experiencing and stay with the direct experience in the body. We explore how the body reacts and responds when the emotion is present. Get specific here. How does the chest feel? What happens in the jaw… the belly? Name what you feel, wherever you feel it.
Not identify (and nurture): The N of RAIN was traditionally taught as no self. That can sound like a far away concept but it can be quite simple. Emotions have a way of seeming very personal, they get embedded in our sense of who we are and can create pain and confusion. The N here reminds us that emotions are energy, passing sensory input. Emotions are universal. When we hold them in this way, there is more ease and freedom. They hook us less.
I have also been taught the N as Nurture. We sense into the hurt place within us and ask what this vulnerable place most needs? How this place wants us to be with it? We allow our own kindness and care to meet those needs. I have found time and time again that what my own pain most often wants from me is respect. The hurt place deserves to be heard and held. You deserve your own compassion. Once you drop the judgement (which arises because of identification!), you are free to tend what needs tending. First for yourself, then for another.
Wholeheartedly,
Kim