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What the heck is going on...is this grief? How are you feeling today? How about lately? No, really…I want to know. More importantly, I want you to know. Let’s start with a brief awareness exercise to check-in. (Read through the prompts below before you begin, or simply play this audio recording to guide you through the exercise.) To prepare: Become still, take 3 slow deep breaths, feel your feet making contact with the floor, and close your eyes. ● Physical Awareness: How do you feel in the body? What sensations are rising to awareness? Any tension, achiness, clenching, heaviness, or tiredness? Or how about subtle vibrating feeling, fidgetiness, or ungrounded? ● Mental Awareness: What is the quality of your mind? Are there flashes of thoughts that invite concern or worry…what ifs, I should haves, if onlys? Are you asking “why” or “WTF?!” a lot lately? Are you flooded with thoughts and mental tangents? Have you experienced bouts of forgetfulness, brain fog, short attention span, or impatience Overwhelmed by it all? ● Emotional Awareness: What feelings are you experiencing in relationship to what is experienced by your mind and body? Are you anxious, disappointed, sad, angry, calm, lonely, confused, frustrated, helpless, hopeless, judgmental, loving, afraid, blaming, guilt, hurt, ashamed? If you answered yes to some or all of this…you may be in the throes of grief. Grief is not necessarily one singular or linear emotion. It can contain all the things, which is part of the reason many of us don't identify it as grief when it is happening to us. It is a deeply personal phenomenon that is as unique to us as our fingerprints, and our individual grief experiences vary during different times in our lives. Another reason we don’t identify grief easily or recognize that we’re experiencing it is that our culture has conditioned us to see grief as a negative experience, and we are told to avoid those…especially in polite company. While the push for “good vibes only” has been going on for generations, it currently has our Western culture caught with its pants down in the wake of this globally impacted pandemic, the uprising against racial injustice, and the complete nightmare that is American politics. It’s time we call it what it is: grief. Across the world, humans are experiencing collective grief. Everyone on the planet likely knows about and has been affected by the pandemic. Lest we not forget that in the midst of this global suffering, we have our own life dramas and losses to consider. The death of a loved one, job loss or financial strain, a health diagnosis, relationship struggles, home schooling the kids and supporting their grief experience, caregiving an aging or ill parent...among many more everyday changes and challenges. As if the situation wasn’t hard enough, many of our distractions, self-care routines, and security blankets have been ripped away from us. Are you tired of hearing about all the problems? I hear you, I am tired of it too. I am TIRED of many things and just plain EXHAUSTED! But the first step forward is identifying what is going on for us, what are the needs asking to be met, and digging into our resources, our resilience, and getting support for the road ahead. You Have Resources Once you’ve identified that you may be experiencing grief, ask yourself this question: What resources do you already have access to for support? You are part of the Whole Life Yoga community, which is a fantastic resource—yoga, meditation, mindfulness practices to ground and settle your mind, body, and spirit. Take a moment to consider the community you have established around you in friends, family, your interests, and your work. Are you able to express yourself openly and freely with at least one of these people? Having your grief witnessed is a powerful tool for healing, even if just one person can truly see, hear, and hold space for you without suppressing or shying away from the experience. Do you feel seen and heard when things are not peachy-keen in your life? If yes, that is wonderful. If no, you are not alone. Keep reading either way. ;) You Are Resilient Humans are resilient by nature. With proper encouragement and tools, we can weather the storms that we face now and in the future. Our complex capacity for communication is one of our most important tools...though when we think of communication, we sometimes get caught up on words alone and forget to acknowledge the powerful forms of nonverbal communication we have within our own bodies. Emotions are instinctual to some degree. Feelings are a manifestation of the belief systems we carry and our perceptions of the world around us. Feelings are shaped by conditional programming from our families, teachers, society, media, etc. Developing emotional literacy allows you to assign words and descriptions to your emotional experiences, to learn the physical sensations associated, to identify and understand your feelings, and to make an early choice about how you move forward. When you are faced with grief that is creating suffering, struggle, and pain in your everyday experience, you do have choices about how that experience plays out for you. Of course you did not have a choice in the loss itself, and of course you wish things had been different…but here you are now, in this moment, in this feeling experience. When stimulated by an experience, you form a perception or judgement, which triggers a feeling based on that assessment. These perceptions, judgments, and feelings are within your control. Many people assume, “This is just the way I am, so I just have to deal with it,” but really, you get to choose between repeating the same old behaviors, thoughts, and feelings or exploring new ways of reacting and responding to the events of your life. You can change course. You can choose not to say hurtful words to yourself or others. You can choose not to react quickly with anger without first checking in to ensure you understand what is happening. Through this early detection and intentional decision about how to proceed, you build resilience and improve your ability to survive life’s roughest seas. We All Need Help We are communal creatures. Throughout human history, we have looked to elders and other knowledge-holders to learn and grow throughout our lives. The sharing of information and experiences through story and teachings is in large part what has kept our species alive and continuing to develop. We can’t expect to know it all, or to hold it all together alone. We need community support. I spent decades thinking it was a badge of honor to never ask for help, to look like I had it together all the time—"All that and a bag of chips," my mom used to say—until I had one too many losses and major life changes, and my rubber band snapped. Emotions came forward that I did’t know how to handle, talk about, or even think about. It was messy. I had no tools to guide me through, and no community support. My family had never been a source of emotional support as they had all been fed the same messaging to suppress, deny, and move on. My friends could not relate as they had not been divorced or lost a parent. My pain led me on a frantic search for a tribe that would understand…or at least listen and validate my experience. I was desperate for resources and tools to process, to heal, and to see a way forward. I spent 10 years seeking and integrating beautiful practices from all across the healing arts. I am amazed at who I am today compared to who I was a decade ago. I am so grateful for the path I walked, despite how painful it was at times. I’m the person I am today because I didn’t walk the grief path alone—I found teachers, mentors, and friends who understood and validated my experience. My transformation inspired me to be another voice for the grieving community, to become the resource for support that I so desperately needed all those years ago. This has resulted in the development of a deep-dive program called Yoga for Grief and Emotional Liberation. It is aculmination of yoga for grief, other physical practices, emotional literacy, non-violent communication, meditation and mindfulness practices, writing, and ritual development. I am so honored to be collaborating with our beloved Kim Tull-Esterbrook on this project as she will be a mentor offering her wisdom in some of the program lessons. A third mentor, Caroline Hinchliff of Eat Hike Love, will also be offering her presence and wisdom on connecting with nature as a healer and better understanding our coping strategies. Your grief deserves your time and attention. If you are ready for a transformation—from suppression and avoidance to expression and compassion—this program is for you. Click here to set up a FREE call with me to learn more. I wish nothing but the best for you in life; you deserve nothing less. I am Here As Love whenever you need me. Until we meet again… May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you be peaceful. Julee p.s. If you wish to stay connected, receive support and education around grief-focused yoga, meditation, and mindset for managing grief, I invite you to join the FREE private Facebook community Yoga for Grief and Emotional Liberation.
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