Where the Healing Begins

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As many of you know, I’ve lived through challenging times over the past ten months. Last October, my mother died of breast cancer that spread to her brain, less than two weeks after I learned of the metastasis.

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Mom and me, with our spouses

My beloved dog Tasha passed away in July, likely also of cancer that spread to her brain, though we’ll never know for sure. Like my mom, Tasha died a couple of weeks after becoming ill.

Tracy and Tasha

Tasha and me, three weeks before she passed.

In ten months, I’d provided hospice care to two of the most important souls of my life.  I felt sad. Depleted.  Exhausted. No longer able to fulfill my roles as boss, teacher, and business owner.  I couldn’t stand any more losses.

A few days later. I learned that my childhood best friend died the same day as Tasha.

Tracy and Michelle

Michelle and me, age 15.

My story isn’t unique. We all suffer losses.  This article isn’t about loss, anyway.  This article is about healing.

The day Tasha died, I only knew two things for certain. She had made my life better, and she would have hated for me to suffer.  I owed it to her to find a new love.  I started researching German shepherd breeders and found one I both respected and trusted.  They often have a two-year waiting list, but oddly, they had a female available.

My puppy would be ready to come home in three weeks, but I didn’t want to wait. I couldn’t explain why, but I felt strongly that I needed to meet her first.  Unfortunately, the visit would involve an 800-mile flight and a four-hour drive each way, all to spend a couple of hours with my soon-to-be best friend—at seven in the morning, no less! The visit would take place six days before we brought her home.

I told the idea to my engineer husband, who said what he always says when I announce that I’m about to act on an expensive, completely illogical impulse.

“If you want.”

I abandoned my business, my significantly-behind-schedule writing, and my overworked spouse and took off for the three-day adventure.

It was one of the best irrational impulses I ever indulged. Everything about the trip seemed to be blessed.  From unanticipated first class flight upgrades, to a stay at a wonderful eco-spa for less than $100 a night.

I had two days of dead time around my two-hour puppy meeting, so I indulged in massages, ate waffles and dark chocolate cake, and worked on my novel from a patio overlooking the resort’s koi pond. On Sunday morning, I fell in love with my new pup, Ana. I spent time with the lovely Penni Elaine, her fiancé, and her best friend, who are doing a fabulous job of raising her. I have no doubt: Ana and I are a match made in heaven.  Tasha arranged it.

Tracy and Ana

Tracy and Ana meet!

Later that night, I spent forty-five mesmerizing minutes watching the resort’s koi ease smoothly back and forth through the water. I named the five largest: Spot, Dalmation, Stripe, Silver, and Ghost. A sense of deep peace overcame me.

This is it, I thought. This is where the healing begins.

The process of healing is long, filled with ups and downs, and I don’t know how long it will take. But I can mark its beginning. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Tracy Weber

36 thoughts on “Where the Healing Begins

  1. Samantha "Sam"McCarthy

    Tracy,

    I can completely identify with your story. It was very touching. Please know that you are not alone, even though my story is not identical, there are similarities and I can relate. Thoughts and prayers with you.

    Sam McCarthy

    Reply
  2. K'Tee Bee

    Such a touching story, Tracy! I had a similar time in a spa with my two older sisters after losing my brother. The setting gave way to meditative contemplation. Then the healing warmth found a way to let me find acceptance and let the healing begin.

    Reply
  3. Joan Schneggenburger

    I’ve felt your loses along the journey. I knew what loss was from my own journey. Sadly, it is a given if we allow love we also allow the sadness of loss to enter in. Salt and sweetness of tears for two sides of a coin….for as a great poet said joy and sorrow go hand in hand.
    Tracy, I know Tasha is so happy for you and Ana. I am also sooo happy for your new family member. I can’t wait to meet her!

    Reply
  4. Hayden

    Tracy, thank you for sharing, and for the reminder to listen for love’s invitation into acts the world calls absurd!

    Reply
    1. Whole Life Yoga Post author

      Thank you. Often the absurd is our internal wisdom calling us. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. 😉

      Reply
  5. Cristina Brigham

    Tracy, I have been following you and Tasha for a while; my Sadie (Bouvier des Flandres) has EPI too. I was so sad to hear of Tasha’s passing. I am very sure she would want you to experience that poweful and unique bond again with Ana.
    I lost my husband to esophageal cancer that metastisized to his brain in November 2015 and am still struggling with this loss. I know I couldn’t even begin to heal without the unconditional love and commitment my 4 legged companion provides.
    I wish you the best of luck with your new fur baby companion.

    Reply
    1. Whole Life Yoga Post author

      Thank you so much. I’ve been surprised at the number of people who have lost loved ones to cancer that had spread to the brain. Thank you for sharing with me. May we all heal.

      Reply
  6. Debbie Holmes

    Tracy you have been on my mind so much lately…I am so deeply sorry for your losses this year. It is so easy to be lost in the sadness. I am so glad that you have found the start of peace and your new Ana! Oh, and she is so adorable, it is a match made from heaven! Hugs to you, my friend! <3

    Reply
    1. Whole Life Yoga Post author

      Thank you. But if it brought tears, I’m betting you’re not as hard hearted as you think. 😉

      Reply
  7. Nancy Cole Silverman

    Happiness is finding your new best friend. Congratulations. I can only imagine how difficult this last year has been for you. I’m December I lost both of my standard poodles within three weeks of each other. Both died from cancers;one at 15 and the other 11. Like you I went looking for a breeder and in December we’re expecting a new puppy. Dog people need dogs and dogs need to be needed. Enjoy this new journey.

    Reply
  8. Lisa Rush

    Tracy, what a remarkable story! I’m am so happy you are learning to heal from everything now. You deserve the best and I’m sorry you have had to suffer the loss that you have. It doesn’t seem fair I know. We’ll here’s to a new, fresh, start and I pray it only brings you more happiness then ever! I’m always here to help you if you need anything. I’ll always do whatever I can for you. Beautifully written, and said. Your a true inspiration to others! Thank you!

    Reply
  9. Sheri Levy

    Thank you for sharing how you’ve begun healing. It brought tears and a gave me a warm feeling inside. I know the pain of loss, and am dealing with my own issues. I do believe our loved ones guide us from above! You did the best thing there is. Starting over! That does honor Tasha and your connection. I wish for you, many new and happy experiences.

    Reply
    1. Whole Life Yoga Post author

      Thank you so much, Sheri. I’m sorry your going through some difficult times now, too. May your healing begin soon.

      Reply
  10. Carrie

    Wonderful blog post. Thank you for sharing so honestly from the heart. I’m so sorry to hear of your losses in the past year, but I’m glad that healing has begun for you. Ana is so adorable!

    Reply
  11. Grace Glanton

    It’s true, we all go through our own versions of loss and healing in different forms. I connected with this, and cried, and felt so grateful that I get to start yoga training with you- such a clearly strong and inspiring woman- in September. Thank you for sharing!

    Reply

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