This week’s blog entry was written by guest author Jenny Zenner. Jenny is a graduate of Whole Life Yoga’s teacher training program and a promising writer. She can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.
It took language to undo the language lashed at me, to make me raw, exposed, weep, alive, aware. Tracy’s words were not tender. No. Tracy Weber is perfectly matter-of-fact. Hearing her voice of honesty broke open my heart and awareness to recognize the earlier words said to me that I believed true. That I was not wanted. That I was an ungrateful, selfish slob. A burden. Three and a half months into Tracy’s yoga teacher training program, I awoke in a new year with the obvious realization of my truth, my completely un-unique experience that I’d accepted as true and denied as existing.
Hearing girlfriends share their own experience, several years of yoga on the mat, several more years of meditation on the cushion, and finally, through Tracy’s open disclosure of words said to her, it added up. By writing the sutra paper assignments, I finally revealed the experiences I had let grip me. Words hysterically sobbed at me stuck. Finally, unstuck, I put pen to paper, finger to keyboard, and began to release the load, letting new language lead me.
It took sitting to find some stillness. It took vinyasa to begin the loosening. It took breath to recognize the shallowness. I was taken. At my tipping point primed by the practice, I arrived to Tracy ripe. Through the language of the sutras, the language of Tracy’s experience, the language of the instruction, I found my own story.
I don’t have to repeat what all words were uttered or by whom. The only finger pointing required is to give credit to those who spoke and wrote the words that healed.
My practice began as an undergrad. As a philosophy minor, I studied eastern religion and finagled an independent study of Living Buddha, Living Christ byThich Naht Hanh (aka “Thay”). Thay’s words paved the way from my Catholic upbringing to Buddhism. Off to grad school, I sought a meditation group led by Pam Perrugi Marraccini in Thay’s lineage. I read and heard speak Tara Brach, Robert Thurman, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and whoever happened to be on Oprah. A dear friend, Allison Parry Leach introduced me to Hilary Steinitz Jackson’s juicy vinyasa flow yoga classes, our girls night out breakup cure. All this prepped me to arrive at Whole Life Yoga to begin becoming whole.
It continued. It took finding love. Getting dropped on my head. Losing my asana practice. Fawn’s physical therapy. Burnstein’s traditional therapy. Bibliotherapy. Acupuncture. Massage.
Putting words to what is, I continue to write. Some stories take manual extraction. Moving through sun salutations, twisting, compressing, and holding poses, yoga unleashes. A jog jars stagnation. Ginger lovingly maneuvers me to necessary insights on her massage table. Touch. Recognition. Connection. The union of rejection and acceptance. Beyond forgiveness to compassion. The words at me. The words with me. The words forward.
Jenny Zenner, MEd, MBA, RYT © 2013
Come visit Whole Life Yoga in Seattle, and check out Tracy Weber’s author page for information about the Downward Dog Mysteries series. MURDER STRIKES A POSE is available for preorder now from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Whole Life Yoga, and other retailers!