A Yoga Love Story

This week’s blog entry was written by guest author Kim Tull-Esterbrook. Kim is a graduate of Whole Life Yoga’s teacher training program, and our newest instructor!  She  can be contacted at kimte@peacemail.com.

 


I did not love yoga when I was first introduced to it in my early 20’s . My short hamstrings and patched together heart found the practice challenging, to say the least, but I knew right away that it was good for me. I could tell that it was a practice that had the potential to change so many of the patterns that felt damaging in my life; but I was unwilling to really dedicate myself to it, or more truthfully, I was afraid. I imagined that I would uncover some horrible truth about myself hidden beneath the surface and so I played with yoga inconsistently for years.

Six years later, while going through the painful transition of a divorce, I found my way to a consistent practice as the only means of keeping myself afloat, but I was a needy partner; opening myself only as far as I felt safe and expecting so much in return. My practice had a one- sided desperation but it saved me in so many ways.

Fast forward 6 more years and with the support of a dear friend, I found my way to Whole Life Yoga’s teacher training program. Finally I was ready to do the work. I moved step by step to open myself and was emotionally prepared for whatever horrible thing I was going to encounter in the depths of my being. What I found was very much a surprise.

Absolutely, there were things that were hard to take about patterns and choices in my life- things that I had been doing to myself to sabotage my own hopes and dreams, but it was also liberating to learn to see things with clarity and without judgement. I learned how to separate my ideas of myself from those layers of habit. I learned the great value of showing up to my practice even when I didn’t want to- when it was hard, when I was distracted, when I felt defeated.

And somewhere in the midst of all that work that I knew was good for me, I found my way to a place where I love my practice. I am not where I thought (or even hoped) I would be when I reached that terrifically adult age of 35. I have not published a book (though maybe this will be my year!), I have not landed that money making job, or even found my way anywhere close to that unattainably beautiful classical King pigeon pose but I pull out my mat almost every day and feel instantly at home.

Through my practice I feel as if I have an outlet for the best parts of me. I have found a way to feel connected to myself, my community and the world. I have found a way to be free. Some days, I think that there is still so much that I don’t know and that is true. On other days, I think this is all I could ever need to know- I take a breath in, I let a breath out. The world feels a bit simpler. It feels like love.

Kim

Please Join Kim in her new classes at Whole Life Yoga!

One thought on “A Yoga Love Story

  1. jasmine

    When I first did yoga over 15 years ago, I hated shivasana….. it would take me years to be able to just settle in during that part of the class.

    I love and hate my practice…. hate it sometimes because I just wished that my body didn’t get all that tightness and stiffness and wished other kinds of movement would free me up… love it because it connects me to my inner world and wisdom so I can live more fully and deeply…..

    I’d love to go a guest post on here… is it only for graduates of the Whole life Yoga Program

    Reply

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